Abuse can happen at any point in a relationship including after it ends. Abuse knows no gender, race, religion, colour or sexual orientation it is rife throughout. Although the statistics prove women are most likely to be at most risk of abuse between the ages of 20-30. *safelives fact.
Domestic abuse describes any type of abuse that is used to control and obtain power. It can include physical, sexual, psychological, verbal, emotional, gas lighting, trauma bonding and financial abuse. If someone changes their behaviour because they are frightened of how someone (usually a partner) will react, this is the biggest sign or red flag that they are being abused.
Many people experience domestic abuse in it’s different forms and sometimes without ever being physically abused. Non-physical forms of abuse can be as destructive and as undermining as physical violence. Kaleidoscopic UK believe the ‘bruises you can’t see are the ones that can last a lifetime’ and that the violence can be a bi-product of the control.
England and Wales collects statistics each year from many different sources to collate numbers. As we know this is not reflective of the ‘true’ stats as many adult and child victims never report any abuse at all. It is estimated that 1/3 remain un-reported.
- Is the person you or someone you love with jealous or possessive?
- Do they accuse you/them of affairs or lying?
- Are they charming one minute and nasty the next?
- Do they have sudden changes in mood?
- Do they stopping you from seeing your family and friends?
- Do they manipulate you with compliments or threats?
- Do you feel isolated or alone?
- Do they constantly criticize you or humiliate you?
- Do they embarrass you?
- Do they make fun of you in front of family/friends or in public?
- Do they make you unsure of your own judgment?
- Do they control your money or access to it scrutinised?
- Do they tell you what to wear or insult things you like to wear?
- Do they tell you who you can see or they don’t like of your family/friends?
- Do they tell you you’re useless or other names?
- Are you scared of upsetting them and how they might react?
- Are you pressured into having sex with them/promised things if you do?
- Do they check your movements or social media/calendars?
- Do they use anger/threats or frighten you to get what they want?
- Are you blamed for their problems?
- Are you constantly questioned about the children’s activities/movements?
- Do you feel the need to manage the children around them to keep them quiet/well behaved/spotless?
- Are you told you are mad/crazy/imagining things?
- Do you fear/dread going home?
- Are you worried if you don’t answer their calls/messages?
- Do you stay away from family/friends as it saves issues?
- Do you miss them even though they are vile to you?
- Are you told your too sensitive/they are only joking/to lighten up?
- Do they lie and then say you got it wrong when challenged?
- Do they use your children as a tool/call you a bad mother/threaten you with social services?
If you answered yes to some of these questions you/your loved one might be in an abusive relationship. You are NOT alone, we have all experienced this too and are here to support you. It is not your fault, it is NOT love and you DONT deserve it. You can have a life free from abuse.